Draco's Shopping Habits
by loonyluna9
Summary: [alldialogue, HPDM slash, postHogwarts]Draco tends to spend a lot of money when shopping and hexes muggle Chinese delivery guys. Harry is putting his foot down. Nothing but pure humor!


**Author:** loonyluna9

**Title:** Draco's Shopping Habits

**Rating: **T (for a bit of cursing and sexual references that never fail to make their way into my fics)

**Pairing: **Harry/Draco, durr…

**Dedication:** To my muse who struck me with this brilliant idea, and for the people who bother to read and review my work. Thanks guys. You've made me very happy, slashy camper!

**Disclaimer: **You're truly off your rocker if you think I own the Potterverse…

**Warning: **Slash ahead! For those who aren't fanfic lingo-savvy, that means boy/boy relationships. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of two hot, sexy wizards shagging the living daylights out of each other, then I recommend you press that clever little device at the top of the page called the 'back button' and save yourself from the corruption of your mind.

**Quick Ramble: **I'm a sucker for constructive criticism…flames make me cry…please be a dear andreview after you read…Cheesecake is the best…the usual blah-stuff, ya know.

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**Draco's Shopping Habits  
by loonyluna9**

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I go shopping?"

"Why?"

"Just because."

"What do you mean 'just because'?"

"Just what I said."

"You want to go out and buy something don't you?"

"Well duh, Harry. I mean, that's what people usually do when they go shopping. They buy stuff."

"No, I mean you want something really expensive and don't want me to find out about it."

"Whatever gave you that idea, love?"

"Don't give that innocent look. I know because this is the exact same conversation we had when you bought those dress robes, that blender, that sports car, those puppies, that diamond watch-"

"But those puppies were _sooo_ _cute_!"

"And _sooo_ _expensive_! Who the hell sells a litter of puppies for five hundred twenty-three galleons?"

"They were an _extremely_ rare, magical breed."

"Rare my ass. And must I remind you that you never even used that blender and only wore those dress robes once?"

"Well--"

"_And _you lost that watch _four_ _days_ after you bought it."

"But what about--"

"And don't even try to justify your reasons for buying that sports car. Not only did you not know how to drive it, but when I asked you why you bought it, you said, and I quote: 'The color matches that cute, red jumper you bought me for Christmas last year.'"

"…"

"Don't pout at me. You know I'm right."

"_Bastard_."

"What was that?"

"Yes, you're completely right Harry."

"Damn straight."

"More like damn _gay _really--"

"If you're going shopping, I'm coming with you. I can't risk you turning us bankrupt or randomly hexing equally random muggles."

"But I stopped hexing muggles ages ago."

"Draco, you turned that Chinese delivery guy into a blue, buck-toothed goose just last evening."

"But he forgot my egg roll and didn't even put a fortune cookie in the bag!"

"You're lucky I changed him back and obliviated him before the Ministry came knocking down our door."

"_He's_ lucky he remembered my shrimp-fried rice or else I would've _Crucio'd_ his ass!"

"…Why do I put up with you? Someone please tell me why I didn't go for a more sane, mild-mannered boyfriend."

"Simple. I'm charming, my fashion sense kicks ass, and of course, you love me…Not to mention I can give head like nobody's business."

"…I won't dignify that."

"And yet, you know it's true."

"Just get in the car before I charm your mouth shut for the rest of the day."

"Please, like you'd really do that Harry."

"Try me."

"But then I wouldn't be able to _demonstrate_ and reinforce how awesome I can give h--"

"Ahh, sweet, golden silence."

"…"

"What's that Draco?...Sorry, I can't hear you. You're gonna have to speak louder than that."

"…"

"Don't flip that finger at me. It's the only sure-fire way to shut you up."

"…"

"Now, lets go to Murray's shall we? I saw this absolutely spiffing tie-dye tee shirt that was just perfect for you. It practically _screamed_ 'I'm a flaming poof!'"

-End-

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**Author's Note:** I had a _really_ fun time writing this. Like tremendously. Writing Harry and Draco is so much…well, fun! Plus, I think I improved in my dialogue-only writing a bit since _Close Encounters_.

I'm sorry it's been like forever since I've written anything, for those of you who have been waiting. Between school, family stuff, my stupid computer being on the verge of crashing on me, having dreams about a guy in my school named Chris, eating cheesecake, and picking my 'lesbian-esque' story back up that I started in like eighth grade, I haven't really had much time. But I'm finally back, so give me some credit people…

This was originally going to be another chapter to _Close Encounters_, thus turning it into a series a fics about them, but I changed my mind at the last moment. Um, yeah.

So now that I've wasted a sufficient amount of time and space on this page rambling, there's only one thing left to do…REVIEW! Or else…-points wand threateningly-


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